


This is Your Life (Don't Play Hard to Get)

by osaki_nana_707



Series: dads!Harringrove [10]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 07:08:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14889926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osaki_nana_707/pseuds/osaki_nana_707
Summary: “Yeah? You’re two adults that meet occasionally for sex. Doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”“Well, it is,” Hopper says, firm and defensive and like that’s the end of the story. He even gets up to leave the room, to leave Billy to a meal that Joyce had made for him, had made for both of them… and that’s when it hits Billy like the ton of bricks that it is.Hopper’s just about through the door when Billy says, “You’re in love with her.”Or, Billy and Hopper talk.





	This is Your Life (Don't Play Hard to Get)

**Author's Note:**

> please read the other fics before this one, otherwise this one might not make sense. :)
> 
> also, sorry for taking so long to release this one!! hopefully the next one will get done quicker. thanks for sticking with me!

**This is Your Life (Don’t Play Hard to Get)**   
  


Hawkins is too damned quiet.

Max has fucked off back to California with Lucas (apparently they’re back together, whatever), and Steve’s off in the city seeing his ex-wife, and everything fucking sucks.

...and it’s not just because Billy had had to call Steve to find that out, had to suffer through feeling like he was about to die of embarrassment because of what happened a few days ago… Well, he’s not  _ embarrassed _ , okay? He doesn’t get embarrassed. Things are just… weird between them all over again, and he knows it’s his fault for behaving like some sort of lunatic. He hadn’t wanted to bother him at all, but he’d called to make sure it was still okay to drop Katie off since it’s still Spring Break, and Steve had broken the news to him.

And it’s  _ fine _ . It’s totally fine. Is it a little weird that Steve still visits his ex-wife on her birthday? Yeah, but it’s not like Steve’s still into her or anything.

...and even if he was, why would that matter?! 

It doesn’t.

It doesn’t matter.

Billy’s head is just all messed up after that kiss. He’s not sure why he keeps doing this to himself. Best he can guess is that he’s still just as self-destructive as he was back when he was a teenager; he’s just finding new and interesting ways to hurt himself.

Without Steve available to watch Katie, Billy had nowhere else to take her except Joyce Byers’ place. He wasn’t sure why he trusted her so keenly, but she took Katie in without a bat of an eyelash. “It’ll be nice to have another girl around,” she had said, winking at Katie. Will, who was apparently still in town for the rest of the week, had offered Billy a small smile from the breakfast table, and then Billy had made a quick exit.

Now he’s at work, at fucking  _ work _ , and Hawkins is too fucking  _ quiet _ . Literally  _ nothing _ is going on, which means there’s nothing to do. Billy had finished up his paperwork well over an hour ago, and because he can’t go out and smoke, he’s actually started cleaning. He’s arranged all of the files and shit in the office, dusted even up in the nooks and crannies and on the blades of the ceiling fan. He hates cleaning, but he can’t sit still or he’s going to start screaming because this office is fucking empty and he knows that if he leaves Hopper will somehow find out about it. Even if Hopper’s not here, he’ll  _ know _ . He’s weird like that.

He just doesn’t want to think about that kiss. Is it really so much to ask the universe to give him something else to do, someone else to talk to, so he can think about something  _ else _ ?

It’s just after two p.m., and Hopper’s jeep rolls back up outside. He saunters in casually but immediately stops in the doorway when he sees the state of his station and Billy standing on a desk adjusting the clock on the wall because the fact that it was just  _ slightly _ crooked has been driving him insane.

Billy knows what it looks like. He knows he’s acting like a nut, and he knows Hopper isn’t going to keep quiet about it either. He can see it in the way his eyes travel slowly up his body to his face, like he’s looking for some kind of puncture mark or alien beast or something that’s making him act strange. 

“Well, you’ve been... productive,” he says.

Billy jumps off the desk, huffs. “Consider it going the extra mile,” he mumbles.

“Thanks, kid,” Hopper says, and promptly hands him a tupperware container.

Billy stares at the container, then looks back at Hopper. “What is this?”

“Your lunch. Joyce insisted I bring something back for you.”

“You were at Joyce’s?”

Hopper puffs up a little. “What, a guy can’t have lunch with a friend?”

“Depends on how uh…  _ friendly _ you are with your friend.”

“What, you never had lunch with Steve?”

Billy wishes the mention of Steve’s name didn’t open up a whole can of worms, that it didn’t make him want to squirm under Hopper’s gaze. He manages to swallow down the awkward feeling in his gut and mumble out an, “I’m not banging Steve.”

No matter how much he wants to.

Hopper’s eyebrows go up on his forehead.

Billy clears his throat and tries not to look uncomfortable as he returns to his desk with his lunch. He’s not even hungry, but there’s too much of an appeal to cram food into his mouth now that he’s thinking about Steve again. He can only hope that Hopper takes the bait and changes the subject off of Steve so that he doesn’t have to talk about him.

Hopper, thankfully, does.

“What are you trying to say about me and Joyce?”

“Dunno, Boss. What am I trying to say?”

Hopper grunts and pulls a chair up on the other side of Billy’s desk. Billy never breaks eye contact, forking a bite of casserole into his mouth. Hopper’s expression doesn’t change, but his neck gradually changes color until he’s flushing up onto his face. “Jesus Christ,” he complains. “You’re as bad as everyone else.”

“I call it like I see it, Chief.”

“Well, you’re wrong. We’re not… a couple, alright? We’re adults. If we were a couple, we wouldn’t be hiding it from anyone.”

“I never implied you were a couple. I implied you were banging. Different things, amigo.”

Hopper coughs and is suddenly very interested in the corner of the desk. He doesn’t deny it. Billy knows the absence of denial is confirmation.

“I’m not your amigo,” Hopper says instead, which only solidifies it for Billy even more, and he laughs.

“Nothin’ to be ashamed of, Hop,” Billy says, grinning. “She’s pretty hot for an older lady.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Hopper says, rolling his eyes. “Look, it’s… complicated.”

“Yeah? You’re two adults that meet occasionally for sex. Doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”

“Well, it  _ is _ ,” Hopper says, firm and defensive and like that’s the end of the story. He even gets up to leave the room, to leave Billy to a meal that Joyce had made for him, had made for  _ both _ of them… and that’s when it hits Billy like the ton of bricks that it is.

Hopper’s just about through the door when Billy says, “You’re in love with her.”

Hopper… doesn’t  _ freeze _ necessarily. It’s not the sudden jolt that freezing brings. He slows cautiously to a stop, like rolling up to a red light. He doesn’t turn.

He doesn’t deny it.

Billy knows the absence of denial is confirmation.

The room is silent and stifling for the longest sixty seconds of Billy’s life, both of them waiting for the other to say something, too stubborn to acknowledge the air in the room themselves.

Billy breaks first.

“How long?” he asks. It’s not the question either of them expected him to ask.

Hopper relaxes a little though, or at least droops. He scrubs a hand over his mouth and says, “A long time. Ten years ago? High School? Maybe always? I dunno. I forgot how it felt not to be in love with her a long time ago, so I can’t exactly pinpoint the time.”

Hop’s forcing an edge on his voice to hide the tenderness there. Billy knows that trick though. He’s pretty good at it himself.

“So… why not tell her?” he asks. “I mean, what have you got to worry about? All her kids are grown. She’s just living in that house by herself, and she clearly likes you, man.”

Hopper sighs just a half-second too long. He doesn’t so much roll his eyes as he does his whole body when he turns around. “You’re young and stupid. What do you know?”

Billy squints. He’s tempted to bite out a retort because that’s ultimately what he wants to do, but he’s learning not to do that, and besides, he’s pretty sure that’s what Hop wants him to do anyway. Literally any kind of bait to change the subject.

He instead shoves another bite of casserole into his mouth and chews and watches and waits.

He’s not sure why he thinks it will work, but it does.

Hopper sighs again and slumps back to the chair, throwing himself into it a little too hard, crossing his arms over his chest, going for annoyed but just looking embarrassed. “Don’t chew with your mouth open,” he says. “Didn’t your mother teach you better than that?”

“Don’t got a mother,” Billy said, “so no.”

Hopper seems ready to jump on that, but Billy won’t let him. “So, why don’t you tell her?”

“Because… we’re  _ friends _ ,” he says after a beat. “She’s my closest friend. She’s… kind of my  _ only _ friend, really. At least the only one that’s not some kid like you.”

Something stirs in Billy’s chest. It feels kind of like moths-- it’s definitely not butterflies because the feeling isn’t nearly so beautiful. 

“I just can’t ruin what we’ve already got, y’know?... Jesus, I can’t even believe I’m talking to you about this shit. You repeat this shit and you’re dead.”

Billy ignores the threat because he doesn’t care. He already kind of feels like he’s dying all of a sudden. “What if you’re wrong though?” he asks, a little more desperate than anticipated or intended. “What if it… is good? What if it works out? What if you get everything you ever want?”

Hopper snorts. He’s not looking at Billy, so he doesn’t see the white-knuckled grip he has on the desk, doesn’t notice the jumping of his leg as he waits impatiently for an answer. Billy has to know. He  _ has _ to know.

“She deserves someone who can take care of her,” Hopper sighs. “Someone who can make her happy. Not someone who’s attached to so many bad memories.”

Billy’s on his feet so fast the desk rattles and his fork clatters to the floor. “Quit being a fucking pussy!” he shouts, and his voice cracks in the middle, and he’s lighting up, he’s on fire, he’s so  _ angry _ \--

\--at himself.

He’s angry at himself.

“ _ Language _ ,” Hopper barks. “Jesus-fucking-Christ, act like an employee.”

“You’re  _ scared _ ,” Billy says. “You’re a coward.”

Hopper stares up at him without blinking, and he doesn’t look like a coward at all. Billy’s the one who feels small, but whenever he’s felt small he’s always puffed up to compensate, so he doesn’t back down.

“I’m not a coward,” Hopper says. “I’ve just got too much to lose.”

Billy doesn’t shiver, but it’s a close thing. His fire is snuffed out in an instant. Now he’s just standing there, just-fucking-standing-there like an idiot. He knows Hop’s right. He knows there’s too much to lose. He knows he doesn’t  _ deserve _ …

“...but what if you’re wrong?” Billy asks again, and his voice is smaller, younger. 

Hopper shifts in his seat, keeps staring up at him, expression unreadable.

“What if you keep her at arm’s length so long that you end up losing her anyway? How long have you been playing this fucking game? Aren’t you exhausted?”

Hopper swallows. Billy watches his throat bob with it. “Kid…” he says slowly. “What’s going on with you?”

Billy doesn’t move physically, but he still manages to pull back anyway. He suddenly feels  _ exposed _ .

“Nothing,” he says, and it’s not really a lie. Nothing has been happening to him, at least not today. He sits back down. He wants to cram food in his mouth but his fork is on the floor.

“It’s not nothing,” Hopper says. “You’re standing in my station losing your shit about something you probably don’t even care about that much. What’s the deal?”

Billy’s jaw works. He says nothing.

“Come on,” Hopper nudges. “I told you some shit about me. The least you can do is give me something back, right?”

He’s playing Good Cop, Billy thinks. Or Good Dad. Billy’s not totally sure because he’s never experienced either of those things.

“Nothing,” he says again, staring at his half-eaten meal.

Hopper doesn’t push further. It’s probably obvious, because it feels obvious, that the weight hanging on Billy all of a sudden is too heavy. He’s pretty sure if Hopper pushed him, he’d topple over. He’d crack. He’d break.

Hopper gets up and picks up the fork and carries it off to the bathroom. Billy can hear him rinsing it off in the sink. He returns a moment later and says, “Considering how much you cleaned this place, the damn thing was probably fine, but whatever.” He hands it to Billy, and then he… sits there with him while he eats. He doesn’t say anything, just  _ sits there _ , and it’s weird and unnecessary and…

Comforting.

It’s only when Billy’s out of food that Hopper speaks up again, with a little smirk in his voice. “You really think I should go for it? With Joyce.”

Billy looks up at him slowly. “I mean…” he says. “You’re already banging her. You’re never supposed to bang them if you care about them because it only makes it worse, y’know. Eventually you’re gonna blurt out something you regret, so you might as well plan it out instead.”

“...and if she…”

Billy shakes his head, doesn’t even let him finish the sentence. “Maybe I don’t know her all that well. I mean I’ve only met her a couple of times, but… She doesn’t seem like the type of lady to just bail out on something when it gets hard. She’s kind of a tough bitch. I mean, the whole fucking town talks about her like she’s a nutcase, and maybe she is, but the fact that she doesn’t care is pretty badass. She doesn’t care about them… but… she cares about you. So… I dunno, I feel like that says something all by itself. What if you’re both just being stupid assholes and you’ve wasted so much fucking time? What if… it’s not about whether you deserve her?”

Fuck.

Fuck.

Billy’s terrified. His legs are quaking with it. Hopper’s looking at him like he knows, like he  _ knows _ , like  _ he  _ **_knows_ ** …

“Maybe… you’re not as stupid as I said,” Hopper says.

...and that’s even worse.

He never thought he’d be so terrified to be right.

“Okay,” Billy says stupidly.

Hopper picks up Billy’s empty lunch container and goes back towards his office. “I guess I’ll uh… drop this off at her place on my way home tonight,” he says.

“Okay,” Billy says again.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, kid? You look like you’re about to fall over.”

“Okay,” Billy says a third time.

He’s not okay.

He’s in love with Steve, and he’s wasting so much time, and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do with this information.

_ Shit _ .

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [tumblr](http://some-radical-notion.tumblr.com/).


End file.
